In Which Sakura & Hidan Encounter A Cat

[tozette]

A prompt from Mixelation on tumblr, for Dirt and Ashes Hidan and Sakura meeting a cat.

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Kakuzu was going to kill that Ise girl. Not—well, not that he wasn't about to kill her to start with. Killing her was definitely in the plan.

That clan was all hunted for their one, fairly spectacular, bloodline limit. They were all one trick ponies, but sometimes one trick was all you needed.

It went like this: if an Ise laid their hands on you, they could turn you into something else. Whatever it was they last touched. A little flicker of chakra and a ninja could become a tree (often) or a knife (very often), or a stone statue (yep).

Kakuzu surprised Ise Kana while she was cooing at someone's pet cat, left to amble around the city at will. The only thing that seemed relevant at the time was that she was distracted—he hadn't intended for her to be able to touch him, after all.

She hadn't needed to, it turned out. It was a further mutation in her ridiculous bloodline limit, which explained exactly why her bounty was so fucking high.

All she'd had to do was to lay a single chakra string on him.

He didn't even get to react. Kakuzu wasn't usually a particularly inventive killer. Unlike like Orochimaru or Hidan, or even like Itachi who had some deeply convoluted love affair with "harmless" genjutsu, Kakuzu was always more interested in ends than means.

Then Ise turned him into a voiceless, wobbly-limbed little animal. And the manner of her death suddenly became VERY relevant to him.

He wobbled back to the camp-site in a ferocious temper. His body was so alien now that he struggled even to look around and walk at the same time.

Big hands came out of nowhere and scooped him up.

He froze, tail stiff, claws fully extended. His ears flattened and his pupils expanded so rapidly that the light all seemed blinding, the shapes stark and the movements strangely sharp and compelling.

His newly fluffy belly compressed. The world whirled around him.

"No Kakuzu," said an unwelcome and REGRETTABLY FAMILIAR voice. "But I did find this fucked up cat. It looks just like that fucker, look—"

A half-remembered face, framed by a froth of short pink hair, squinted into his face. A dubious voice. "I'm not convinced that's very helpful..."

She reached for him. A growl burst forth from Kakuzu's insides. Burst after burst it came, a low and dangerous noise that put his fur on end. He couldn't seem to stop it.

"Wo-o-ow," Hidan, whose hands were tight and threatening around his middle, cooed. It was distinctly mocking. "What a dangerous little guy."

His laugh wasn't comforting. Hidan sounding happy was never, ever comforting.

Kakuzu's claws flexed. Escape seemed unwise—he couldn't out-anything Hidan like this.

"I wonder where he went," the girl mused. "I was so sure he'd be here... I'm sorry, I wish I was a better sensor."

"Found his camp, though, didn't we?" Hidan sounded, gag him, proud. "We should have made your dumbass friend come with us. She'd be useful for once."

The girl sighed like she didn't want to have an argument again.

Kakuzu would have to risk it. He could worry about Ise and how in hell this pair of idiots found him again later. For now—he unsheathed his claws as far as they would go and aimed them like knives.

"Ow! Shit," cried Hidan, and, importantly, didn't fucking drop him.

Blood spattered Kakuzu's fluffy coat.

His ribs creaked in Hidan's grip.

"Oh, it is on, you stupid fluffy fuck," he growled.

The girl's laughter creaked like a broken hinge.