Desperately stupid Kakuzu × Hidan premise (with love)

[tozette]

"Only sixteen hours left, huh? I'm just saying," said Hidan, hurrying to catch up, "when are you ever going to get the opportunity to have sex as a girl?"

He used one of the old lady's yukata to squeeze the water out of his hair, which trickled onto the floor. The pale tiles showed it was pink. Clearly, his quick rinse hadn't got all of the blood. But Kakuzu was in a hurry. Ugh.

He dropped the soft robe onto the floor and scooped up his own, much harder-wearing, coat from the back of a chair instead. It had gone stiff around the hems since he'd killed the family that lived here. It was also his last one. No matter the sweet rusty reek rising from its fabric, it was what he had to wear.

"Opportunity?" Kakuzu repeated. He'd been way more incensed about this than Hidan, honestly. "Ridiculous. Until my centre of balance is back to normal, it's all a waste of my time."

Hidan sighed noisily. He had gotten into such a mood about this. And even when he wasn't, it was never a good idea to tell Kakuzu he wanted to fuck him because he was hot. Even though it was true. Kakuzu ascribed ulterior motives to that kind of thing.

As if Hidan ever even had secondary motives, let alone ulterior ones.

"The opportunity is to put your face in my tits," he pointed out. "They're nice tits, Kakuzu. They're awesome tits."

Since he wasn't wearing a shirt anyway — he didn't have one — Hidan reached casually into the gaping neckline of his coat and hefted his own boob speculatively. In the shower, he'd been too busy trying to get the blood off while it was still tacky instead of flaky.

But now... Damn. His skin was softer than cashmere and his tits were a magnificent, silky weight. And... they also felt pretty good.

He paused and looked down so he could watch himself squeeze his own nipple. It felt... weird. That was sensitive, and even a little pinch kind of stung.

"Huh," he said, suddenly and completely distracted. He pinched harder. The nipple tightened up with an alien, oversensitive shiver, and the sting was pretty intense. The little flare of discomfort zinged straight from his boob to somewhere deep in his groin.

"Hidan."

He blinked up to look at Kakuzu.

Kakuzu might not have appreciated being told as much, but, fuck, he made a hot girl. It was stupid. Girls were meant to be soft and demure and shit. Even kunoichi pretended, most of the time. Kakuzu was... just Kakuzu. Oh, but with a soft mouth and a hard, curved waist, and perky breasts with stiff little nipples catching on the fabric of his shirt. Just Kakuzu, sure, but what a magnificent Kakuzu it was.

Employing his usual brain-to-mouth filter, Hidan said: "Fuck, you make a hot girl."

Kakuzu's hard expression didn't change. "Stop groping yourself and hurry up. Your idiocy has delayed us already. You're lucky it wasn't permanent."

Hidan rolled his eyes. It wasn't his idiocy — wasn't idiocy at all. Jashin wanted what Jashin wanted, and it was Hidan's life's work to ensure Jashin got what he wanted. If anything, it was the dead old lady's fault.

The god of suffering had indicated that the girl had to suffer and die. Hidan might've gotten a little carried away with his methods, but Kakuzu made it sound like he'd signed them up for the procedure. Was he supposed to predict that there was a sex changing bloodline limit? Or that some lunatic would think it was a great idea to use it on them for killing her niece?